"Every day I spend with my son, a part of me dies"
A mom's Facebook post eloquently presents the contradictory feelings of motherhood, reaching thousands of people.
Motherhood is a strange and multidimensional experience. One moment you are free and beautiful, going for walks with your partner and friends, and the next you are with a tiny creature under your protection, to fill your heart with love but also to bring it upside down in your tidy daily life.
The mother of a little boy, Mary Katherine Backstrom, described the contradictory feelings of motherhood in a Facebook post that touched sensitive strings, garnering hundreds of likes and notifications:
"Every day that I spend as a mom, a part of me dies.
While my son is in his chair, I wipe the kitchen and wash the dishes. His hand magically transforms into a bomber that launches waffle and orange pieces throughout the room. The part of me that is angry and anxious wakes up inside me. But as soon as I see my son's eyes - which shine while he laughs - the piece of anger inside me dies.
While I am lying comfortably on my bed and before the sun even rises, I hear voices and screams that gradually become loud cries coming from his crib. A part of me misses those days when Saturday meant sleeping until 10 in the morning. And then I remember: mornings are his favorite time of day. The one who tries new words and flirts with mom. Then the piece of nostalgia inside me dies.
While trying on clothes in a store, my son's legs swing happily in the stroller and I feel like he is not doing anything to me, even though I have lost all the pounds of pregnancy. A piece inside me whispers: "Before the baby, you would look great with that dress…". And then I remember that slimmer, more stylish version of myself. That her hopes and dreams revolved around the perspective of a child. Then the piece of vanity inside me dies.
When it's time to go to bed and I immerse myself in the beautiful, coveted silence, a part of me aches at the memory of peaceful independence, with books on the couch and endless meals. And then I think of his… laughter and the sound his tiny feet make as they run back and forth on the tiles of the house. Then the selfish part of me dies.
Motherhood is strangely contradictory. It gives life and exhausts. It constantly tests my faith, tests my patience and brings my heart to its limits. But as a result, my faith and patience become stronger. My heart is expanding. And although sometimes I feel the glass overflowing, the container gets bigger and bigger.
It is true that every day that I spend as a mom a small part of me dies. But I will not mourn these losses.
My child makes me a better person every day.
And then the part that doubts whether I am a "right mom" dies inside me… And what remains is gratitude.