Consider the following scenario: You return home full of tiredness after an exhausting day at work. Suddenly, you stumble upon a toy your child left in the middle of the aisle, or your child soils the carpet by spilling its juice on it. You can not manage it and get angry with your child. Parental anger is normal sometimes. All parents are angry with their children.
Usually, people dream of becoming parents with idealized and romantic images in their minds full of happiness and positive emotions. But there are times when all parents are very angry with their children. Parents are also human beings. People with daily pressures of life: financial worries, late appointments, things they have forgotten to do and the list is endless. In this moment of stress, add a child who is "naughty", disobedient, teases his little brother or remembers at the last minute that he needs something for school.
In these moments when you feel stressed and angry, it is important to stay calm and not "vent" your anger on the child.
What makes parents angry?
Being a parent is a journey full of beautiful moments that are often rewarding. But it is not always easy. Anger consists of a mixture of emotions. It can come from the fact that you are depressed, feel mentally weak, feel guilty, feel frustrated or just tired. Often, anger can be rooted in situations outside the family, such as problems at work. You can think and find what other emotions are mixed with your anger. This way, you will understand what is causing the anger and try to do something about it.
If you as a parent are often angry, it may be because something is wrong with your life and not because you are a "bad" parent. You may need to seek the help of an expert to find what is wrong and correct it.
Why do parents get angry with their children?
Parents and children have the ability to upset each other as much as anyone else. This continues into adulthood. Kids know how to press your buttons because they are your kids.
Child psychoanalyst Selma Fraiberg used the term "ghosts in the nursery" to describe the above phenomenon. Children stimulate the intense emotions of their parents' childhood. Thus, parents often respond unconsciously, representing the past from their own childhood.
All of these are useful if you are struggling to cope with your anger. But do not forget that as adults and as parents, you have to control yourself. Be aware that parental anger can hurt children.
How can parents manage their anger?
1. Avoid physical violence
According to the Journal of Psychopathology (2007) 85% of adults have been slapped or beaten by their parents. Wood has NOT come out of paradise and has a negative effect on children's development. The American Academy of Pediatrics is against physical violence or corporal punishment of children. Hitting your baby can only make you feel better for a while. But it is bad for your child, and it negatively affects everything else positive you do as a parent. Do whatever it takes to control yourself. Leave the room if necessary. If you can not control yourself and beat your child, then immediately apologize to your child, explaining that we should never beat others and seek help from a specialist.
2. Set rules and boundaries before you get angry
Once you start getting angry do something. Do not shout! Intervene positively to prevent what upsets you.
If children do something annoying or dangerous, stop whatever you are doing, calmly set clearer boundaries and rules and guide them so that your situation and anger do not get out of control.
If the source of your anger comes from you, and you are irritable because you had a difficult day, it may help to explain this to your children so that they pay more attention to the behavior that is bothering you.
Make a list of acceptable ways to manage anger
Every person is different and releases or calms the tension they feel in a different way. Stop, take a deep breath and remind yourself that nothing critical or urgent is happening. Drain the tension by shaking your hands, and take a few more deep breaths.
You can find something that will make you laugh. Laughter helps and releases tension by shifting our mood. The smile sends the message to the nervous system that the situation is not urgent and begins to calm you down.
If you want to release your anger in some physical way, you can put on music and dance, or go for a brisk walk.
Take a deep breath, get in touch with yourself and observe your anger. What is behind the anger? Fear; Affliction; Disappointment;
4. Wait before disciplining your child
Do not try to discipline your child while you are angry. Give yourself time to calm down first, and then have a constructive discussion with your child by setting firm boundaries. Until you calm down you can make a comment expressing your dissatisfaction with what has happened, saying that you will have a very serious discussion later.
5. Avoid threats
If you threaten your child while you are angry, then most likely your threats are not reasonable. So, there are many chances that you will not follow them at all. Threats are only effective if you are willing to follow them.
Better tell your child that you will think seriously about the consequences of the act he has done and the violation of the rules. Waiting alone will be a worse "punishment" than threats you probably will not make.
6. Pay attention to the tone of your voice and the words you use
We have the power to upset or calm ourselves and those who listen to us, depending on the tone of our voice and the words we use. Remember that as a parent, you are the role model for your child. Speak calmly, without threats, without emotionally charged words and without swearing at your child.
7. If you often struggle with your anger, ask for help
It is not a shame to ask for help. If you can not control yourself and often find it difficult to control your anger, then seek counseling from a psychologist. It is the responsibility of every parent to avoid any psychological or physical violence against their children.
In closing, it is helpful to remember Jefferson's advice: “When you are angry, take up to 10 words before speaking. When you are very angry, measure up to 100 ".
Source: SigmaLive