They are impatient and can not wait, they want everything and they want it now. They do not realize the danger and do not have the slightest idea of what is a right and what is an obligation. Outbursts of anger are a fairly common behavior at this age and can be said to be the result of frustration whenever a child wants to do something and their aspirations are thwarted. The two-year-old in the context of "exploration" and in the stage of "egocentrism" sees only what he wants and how he will get it, indifferent to the reactions of others. The first time we see a child fall to the floor screaming, clapping their hands and feet up and down, we may be worried. In the beginning we may find the child's behavior cute and fun. However, we must be prepared for what will follow because the child will constantly explore the limits we impose on him and the rules we want to set for him.
Faced with the provocative and stubborn behavior of the two-year-old, we should try to discover each time the appropriate method that will have the desired result. From the very first years that the child develops, he needs to live in a clear and limited context. With the following strategies we can effectively manage explosions and take the right measures to prevent outbreaks before they become an integral part of our daily lives.
- We discuss. We wait for the anger that caused the explosion to subside and then we talk to the child in a soft and composed voice. We say for example: "I know you are angry". We repeat in simple words what he can not do and explain the reasons (limits), mention possible ways he could use to effectively manage his anger (for example to play with his favorite game to calm down) and before we leave , we take a hug to relieve it.
- We are consistent and stable. Whenever there is an outburst of anger we must follow the same tactics to deal with it and be consistent in how we handle it. We must not be lenient with one another and strict with the other. If we react correctly and consistently, over time the outbreaks will diminish and at some point will stop.
- We do not show power. We will find that efforts to enforce discipline are in vain. Instead of indulging in power games, it is better to find creative ways to put limits on the child without, of course, nullifying his autonomy. Young children are easily excited by the slightest stimulus. So we orient the child to something that pleases him before the anger breaks out. We sing a song, we tune a game that plays music, we make a face to laugh, we play chase or hide with him and quickly his stubbornness will subside. When we react just as strongly, it will have no effect. Voices, criticisms and threats usually aggravate the problem while some children behave much worse and react abruptly to hearing the phrases "do not dare" or "do not happen again". Punishment, violence and threats act as a "model of aggression" and children tend to imitate these behaviors.
- We strengthen its autonomy and independence. At this age he tries in every way to declare his independence and often uses expressions such as "only me", "no", "leave me". We are the ones who will boost his confidence. It is good for children to take initiatives and make decisions. It is good to let him take the initiative without correcting it and to constantly intervene in what he says and does. If they are not irrational, we can accept the child's views on certain issues and give him power as far as the child can handle. For example, it does not matter if the child goes to school in green instead of red, but it does matter if he is securely tied to the car seat. Some things do not have to be negotiable. So suggest him to choose in some cases (no more than two options at this age). For example "Do you want to wear blue or green pants?".
- We do not give up! Equally ineffective is responding by satisfying the child's demand. We do not succumb to unreasonable demands. If we give up once, he will learn to claim in this way what he wants the next time. If we observe around you, we will find that the other two years react in the same way. We must not rush to the wrong conclusions. Many times we tend to intensify these outbursts and retreat because we perceive this behavior as elements of a dynamic child who knows how to claim what he wants. Outbursts of anger occur because he is still immature to manage the anger caused by the frustration of his desires. However, outbursts of anger can continue into old age if the child learns to use them as a tool to achieve his goal.
- We do not have excessive demands. If we count how many times we say "no" in a two-year period during the day we will find that they are not few. We always start with a few simple rules appropriate to his age. In order to succeed, rules and prohibitions should not be imposed arbitrarily every time, even if the child is small, it is important to explain in simple words. It is important to remember the rules and repeat them because the child can not yet assimilate them from the first.
- We give clear instructions. Sometimes our commands are very general and complex with the result that the child does not understand what exactly he has to do. A requirement such as "be prudent" does not mean much to a two-year-old. We need to be specific in what we ask the child to do. For example, children at this age may not understand the "tidy up your room" command. They respond better to "grab the toys and put them in the box". Simple instructions are easier to understand and complete successfully without any controversy.
- We reward good behavior. We do not forget to reward him and show him that we are happy every time he tries and behaves properly. Reward can be a hug, a kiss, to play a game with him. When we comment and praise good behavior we reinforce it to be repeated.
Υ.Γ. We create happy children when we offer them a healthy environment with clear boundaries and not when we give in to what they ask for.
Article: Maria Stathi, Special Educator - Learning For All - Training Center