The racism and disapproval he received, after his decision to adopt his wife's surname, is narrated by Wayne Harding. Harding married her Debbie in Cyprus, in the absence of his family, who also reacted when he learned of his decision. However, he received the harshest reaction from his work. The reasons that led him to the decision? His stepdaughter.
"My boss refuses to accept my new name"
Wayne Harding, né Nell: I married my wife Debbie in July 2016 and changing my last name from mine - Nell - to hers - Harding - caused great concern in my family and at work. The decision for me did not require thought. Debbie has a daughter from a previous relationship and we wanted her to have the same name as the rest of the family. I remember my stepdaughter telling me she didn't want to go to school under a different name and I fully understood how she felt.
I am from South Africa and most of my family still lives there and could not fly to Cyprus, where we got married. I did not mention my plans to change my name - I did not think it was a big deal. Only when I changed my name on Facebook did my dad and brother react. They were not happy. "It's really a name really, Dad, it's not the end of the world," I told him on the phone. He told me it was the biggest slap in the face for him and his family. "It hurts a lot, my son," he sent me later.
But the most amazing reaction came from my workplace. I am a real estate manager, I deal with about 100 tenants who live in apartment buildings. When one of my bosses found out that I had changed my name, he said I should first ask him why it could affect the business and its customers. He said people would assume I was in a gay marriage and that I should make it clear by signing my email that I was married to a woman. It was offensive and I felt like I was being cut off.
He had obviously commented - although no one told me anything immediately. Eventually the HR manager told me to get this explanation from my email signature because it was unnecessary. My boss still refuses to accept my new name and insists on using my first name.
When I changed my name at the bank, there were also problems. "We have never done it again for a man," the banker said in disbelief. The branch manager had to talk to me and then he had to call the headquarters to check if my name was changed, it was something they were allowed to do. We spent about 20 minutes discussing everything.
Brands seem to matter more to the older generation and I think they are someone who has broken with tradition - but look at the queen. I had to take a test to get my citizenship in 2000 and one of the questions was for Queen Elizabeth, who bears the surname Windsor, while Prince Philip changed his surname to Mountbatten, the mother's surname. of. Many Britons do not know it.
This is not the first time I have changed my name. My first last name is actually Terrence, Wayne is my middle name, but when I immigrated to the UK in 2000, I quickly adopted Wayne because Terrence tended to be abbreviated by the British to Terry and I did not like it. Dad told me I was preventing him from calling me TW (Terrence Wayne) anymore.
My father-in-law tells me that he is really proud of me and how nice it was for me to do it for his daughter. I'm sorry that my family has been upset, but I'm not sorry for my decision.