"Sleep Divorce": The new trend that has become fashionable and works beneficially for relationships

How sleeping separately with your partner strengthens the bond between you

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In case your partner keeps you awake at night with his snoring, gets up often and bothers you, pulls all the covers or kicks you, it's time to think about his choice divorce. To be precise, a "sleep divorce". You are probably wondering what a sleep divorce is. Many couples who during the night do not enjoy their sleep exactly as they would like due to the presence of the other in the same bed, have found the solution to their problem by sleeping separately. This is not only effective in enjoying sleep, but has also been shown to rejuvenate the relationship between them.

"If you as a couple like to sleep together and you can enjoy your sleep without any disturbances, this is great. However, this does not mean that your relationship is better than that of a couple sleeping separately ", says Jennifer Adams, author of" Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart ". In fact, she has been sleeping with her husband in separate rooms for 15 years, proving in practice what she says: "countless couples sleep in different beds on a daily basis, but they enjoy a life with wonderful experiences, because they just manage to sleep. every night"!

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The social "rule" that wants married couples, and not just today, to sleep together in the same bed, in fact it is not so stable. More specifically, in households up to the Victorian era, couples slept together both out of necessity and to strengthen the community. During the Middle Ages, farmers often slept on the floor with the whole family - often including animals - to keep warm and safe during the night. And as beds became "fashionable" in the 15th century, people built them so large and luxurious that there was enough space for everyone. Only the upper social strata had more than one bed, but even in these it was not uncommon for servants to sleep with their masters, to be constantly by their side and to respond to their call immediately.

Only in the middle of the 19th century did separate beds become the "rule", mainly to prevent the spread of germs between the close contact of the bodies, signaling, however, at the same time, the independence of women. The introduction of two beds meant, in short, for women that they did not have to constantly indulge in their husbands' appetites, a kind of sexual revolution before bed that lasted until about the 70s. It was then that the use of the double bed began to be considered obsolete and old-fashioned, leading to couples sleeping together in the same bed.

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The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that most adults get at least seven hours of sleep each night, as sleep deprivation can damage both their health and their relationship. of a couple.

So while most couples see sharing the same bed as a sign of intimacy and companionship, research has shown that there are important reasons to prefer separate sleep.

A 2016 study from the Private University of Medicine, Paracelsus, in Nuremberg, found that sleep problems and problems in a couple's relationship tend to occur at the same time, while a 2013 study from the University of California, Berkeley of the two do not sleep well at night due to night disturbances caused by the other, the conflict between them the next day is almost certain.

While there are benefits to sleeping together, one partner's disturbing sleeping habits can affect the other and increase the production of cortisol, a stress hormone, causing various issues that affect the couple's relationship as a whole.

When Adams conducted a similar study for her book, many couples cited snoring, different scheduling, and even moving around in bed as reasons why they decided to stop sleeping in the same bed. A choice that changed their relationship, and for the better.

According to her, in fact, "the feelings of dissatisfaction created by insomnia come to be added to those of daily friction, making relationship of the couple more explosive ".

On the other hand, when both in a relationship sleep soundly, they feel emotionally, mentally and physically healthier, without either of them being unhappy. A good foundation, that is, to build a proper and healthy relationship.

It is difficult to find an aspect of it health does not benefit from constructive sleep, as experts say that healthy sleep, among other things, is important for the proper functioning of the heart and blood vessels, while reducing the risk of obesity, while promoting healthy cognitive function and a healthy immune response.

A disturbed sleep, in general, can have a negative effect on health, even if the couple members do not remember waking up during the night. According to experts, during sleep a person goes through various stages, including time in the deeper stages of sleep, which is the most beneficial. So, if sleep is interrupted several times during the night, the time spent in the lighter stages of sleep, which are less restorative for humans, may be longer.

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A 2012 study by the Better Sleep Council found that just one in four couples sleep separately for a better night's sleep. However, 12% of Americans surveyed by bedding company Slumber Cloud in 2018 said they had a "sleep divorce" at a time when 30% were under discussion. According to the New York Times, there are many experts who argue that gender plays an important role in such a decision. It is usually the wife or girlfriend who prefers the idea of ​​separate beds, the American newspaper reports in an article, as women are more sensitive to their partner's "bad habits", while during hormonal changes or pregnancies they are even led to desire to sleep alone.

Adams argues that time and the way you talk are very important. As is the case, of course, with everything else. According to the author, therefore, you must be sure that the "sleep divorce" is your real desire, as well as know the exact reasons that led you to this decision, so that your partner does not take it as an act "Rejection". This way the other half realizes that you are not trying to avoid it, focusing on your need to find an environment that will help you sleep better. It is also very important to choose a time when you both have enough time so that you can discuss it and carefully explain the reasons why you want to try something like this.

In the event, however, that you are not yet ready to apply for a “divorce sleeping", An average solution can have immediate and positive results. This can be the separate mattresses in the same bed, so that there is no chance of being disturbed by your partner's movements, but at the same time you maintain the immediacy and intimacy you need.